Disability and Accessibility Support on a Wedding Day: An Interview with Bride Jessica

A Documentary Focused Autumnal Wedding at Holiday Valley in Ellicottville, New York

Can you talk a little more about your surgery, and how it affected you on the wedding day?

I had a repeat brain surgery 2 months before my wedding. I was diagnosed in 2022 with trigeminal neuralgia- a chronic facial pain condition that causes intense lightning like pain on one side of your face. After failing multiple medications for years, I was offered surgery in 2024 for a microvascular decompression and rhizotomy to resolve the compression in my brain that causes the pain. This was done in my V2 and V3 trigeminal nerve. During surgery, they place a small piece of teflon between the trigeminal nerve and the compressing blood vessels to prevent the compression causing the pain. 
This initial surgery was curative- I had no pain for a year, and was left with minimal feeling on the left side of my face from my left under eye to my jaw. In July, I started to experience sudden intense pain in my left forehead. The pain was crippling- I was in a fetal position, screaming in pain at the hospital. They discovered I had formed a teflon granuloma- a rare complication from my initial surgery. Instead of the teflon protecting the trigeminal nerve, a ball of scar tissue grew on the inside of the teflon creating an intense compression in the V1 distribution of my trigeminal nerve. 

After surgery, I no longer had the intense pain from trigeminal neuralgia, but had a lot of complications from the surgery. I was left with no sensation on the entire left side of my face, I lost the ability to swallow on the left side of my throat, permanent damage to a small part of my brain that controls balance, and pulsing pain in my left forehead. 

On my wedding day, I had to take many breaks as I was unable to stand/walk for longer than about 15 minutes. Things that increase intracranial pressure- like walking, bending down, certain head movements, talking, dancing etc. would cause me to be in pain, so I had to move very slowly. I also struggled to eat much at the wedding, but ordered a softer meal than the filet lol. It took a lot of hand holding, breaks, dancing sitting down, and emotional support from my loved ones to get me through the day. 

Was there a point in the day where it felt like slowing down made the day better?

Absolutely- there were multiple times where this happened. Early in the morning, my wife and her bridal party got ready first, which allowed me some extra time to let some medications kick in and enjoy that time with my best friends. During hair and makeup, my artist was gently and slow in getting me ready so that there would be no quick head movements that could impact me. We slowed down me getting my dress on, and most importantly, my shoes. It was somehow exhausting putting my dress on, even with a lot of help. Because I couldn’t really bend over, my best friends Tyla and Kaylani had to put my shoes on for me. Did I have a small menty b over my shoes not feeling like they weren’t on “just right?” yes. During my little panic, I looked at my two friends staring at each other and I asked them if I was making this a bigger deal than it was- to which they responded yes. I was going to fast trying to put on my bridal outfit, and that reminded me to slow down the rest of the day.

During the reception, I had to step away to a private room multiple times to slow down and rest. Those quiet moments of rest gave me safety and space to take in the beautiful day. Sneaking away with my wife and my friends to sit and giggle are some of my favorite wedding day memories.

Looking back, what was the most memorable part of the day?

After our ceremony, there was a moment where we had just walked inside the venue with all of our bridal parties. Angela and I sat on these cozy chairs together, and leaned into each other. You actually captured this moment on film- I was just looking into the eyes of my wife, holding her hand, and felt so whole and happy. There were no words said, just a look with gratitude and so much love. We didn’t need to say anything, but we knew in that moment that our love was the strongest thing in the world. 

What were some changes you made to the original wedding plan to provide additional support and comfort day of?

We asked the venue if they could lend us a golf cart to drive me over to the venue from the hotel next door so I wouldn’t have to walk. My dad drove the golf cart, and it was such an amazing moment. He zoomed me over to our ceremony space- just him and I. We laughed, we cried a little, and he told me how proud he was of me. It was such a a sweet father/daughter moment. 

I also had one of my bridesmaids and her partner (who was in Angela’s bridal party) be in charge of timing out and handing me my meds. He would gently guide me away from the party to sit, drink ice water, and take my meds. This helped so I didn’t have to worry about timings, and made sure I took breaks. 

We scheduled more time in the morning for me to get ready- knowing I would need to take more frequent breaks and rest as well.

What advice would you give to another bride or groom that may be going through something similar leading up to their wedding?

Listen to your heart and your body. No one will be disappointed in you for having a disability on your wedding day. You can choose who surrounds you on this day, so pick those who love and support you and let them know you might need some help. I know for me, I was worried that my limitations would make it difficult for me to enjoy my wedding day. I was so stressed I was going to lose out on special moments and wouldn’t have the wedding day I always thought I wanted. This is trash- it’s your day. 
The quiet moments of the day will be the most memorable. Embrace rest, uphold safety, and take the breaks.

Were there any moments that you didn’t realize were being photographed that meant a lot to you?

I mentioned this earlier, but you captured one of my favorite quiet moments where my wife and I were sitting at a small table outside our reception immediately following the ceremony. Those pictures capture such a beautiful time, and I was surprised and so pleased that you captured this.

I love this picture where I needed physical support to stand up. I’m holding my brother in laws hands, while my amazing hair/makeup artist gently installed my veil. He was making me smile and laugh to distract from the pain.

This photo of my best friend and matron in honor helping adjust my veil as we put it on means so much to me. This girl has been through everything with me, and I did this same thing for her at her wedding. It’s a quiet moment of focus and safety for me.

My godfather, Uncle Allen and my Aunt Mel were the first family members after my parents that I came out to. They were so supportive, and my godfather told me he just wanted me to feel loved and be happy. After coming out as queer, I was trying to be comfortable in my own skin. My sister and I spend the weekend with them at their cabin, and my Uncle Al took us on his pontoon boat for the day where we just blasted Fleetwood Mac and I felt so safe and happy in my own skin. This photo is so special to me, because it shows such love and support from them.

Due to the recent brain surgery, I wasn’t able to dance much at my reception. This made the time when I was on the dance floor more special. My wife gave me a look across the room when one of our favorite songs came on, and we danced. It’s such a sweet moment in time.

How did Angela show up for you in the moments you may have needed extra support throughout the day?

I don’t know how I would have gotten through the wedding day without my wife. She encouraged me to take as many breaks as I needed, and made sure to handle any issue that came up. Instead of someone coming to me with a problem or panic, she took it all and handled it with my little sister. 

She held me up, and held my hand to make sure I was stable every time I stood up. She helped balance and support me physically (and mentally) during our ceremony. She actually switched our meals during dinner and gave me her food because my chicken had a lot of herbs, which would get stuck in my throat and I couldn’t swallow. She also gave me all her mashed potatoes at dinner! Overall, she just made sure I was always taken care of, and that the only thing I needed to focus on was making sure I was okay.

What would you want other brides and grooms to know when supporting their partner in a similar situation on a wedding day?

Be patient. If you are supporting your partner who is struggling with a disability on your wedding day, know that they are already placing enormous pressure on themselves. Have a conversation about how you can best support them on this day ahead of time to set expectations. Validate their concerns, listen, and be willing to adapt. While you may have had your own ideals of what your wedding day would look like, be okay with some change. The love you have with one another won’t change, so show them this love by being willing to adapt to changes. It is a day for the both of you, celebrate each other, and be patient through your love.

When you look back at your wedding, what do you feel most strongly?

I’m so glad we did it. Up until the night before the wedding, I would tell everyone, “never have a wedding. It’s so stressful.” I take it all back. Despite my disease and painful recovery, our wedding day holds the most special place in my heart. We could have cancelled- no one would have batted an eye. I had repeat brain surgery only a short few months before the wedding, it would be have been easy to just cancel it. I’m so happy we didn’t- despite everything, it was a day filled with the most love and support. Our wedding day gave me hope that no matter what, our love will outshine even the darkest of times.